Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)

Overview (via IMDB.com):

'Toon star Roger is worried that his wife Jessica is playing pattycake with someone else, so the studio hires detective Eddie Valiant to snoop on her. But the stakes are quickly raised when Marvin Acme is found dead and Roger is the prime suspect. Groundbreaking interaction between the live and animated characters, and lots of references to classic animation. Written by Jon Reeves jreeves@imdb.com

Then:
The thing I remember first and foremost about Who Framed Roger Rabbit (WFRR) is that when I was a little tike, the end of the movie, when we discover that Judge Doom is actually a Toon, SCARED THE GODDAMN SHIT OUT OF ME.  I kid you not, I will admit that I had to sleep on the floor of my brothers room that night.  Who would have ever have thought that the lovable Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd played Judge Doom) would have been such a dick, scaring little kids like that?  Fuck I was scared, so much so that I was hesitant to even undergo watching it again for HRWI.

Shit, I almost breezed past this other ‘thing’ that I remembered from WFRR.  Jessica Rabbit.  While Judge Doom made me shit my pants for the first time since potty training, Jessica Rabbit might have made my tiny pecker move for the first time due to arousal.  I also recall that there was one human, he was a cop, I think.  I don’t remember how he and Roger were connected or what else went on really.  Toons were being killed I guess, but why?  I didn’t remember anything else about the movie really, except for the end, and Jessica Rabbit.

Now:
The movie opens with Roger filming a scene in Toon Town for R.K. Maroon.  (Side note: The voice of Roger, Charles Fleischer, also played Benny the Cab, Greasy, and Psycho; I’m impressed.)  (Another side note: IMDB.com estimates that there was a budget of $70,000,000, a bit high if you ask me.)

As I was watching the opening scene, I started to remember things a little bit.  The Baby Herman character was pretty cool.  He pretended to be a baby when filming but talked like a grumpy old man, womanized, and smoked cigars when he wasn’t working.  He also managed to get women (attractive women?) to push him around in a stroller.  The woman he is seen with outside of Eddie’s office almost treats him like he’s actually a baby while he is treating her like crap.  After some Googling, I find that the woman he’s with is his mother.  How this woman has a child that is actually a man in a child’s body is beyond me.

There were scenes with Eddie, who ended up being a P.I., drinking throughout the beginning of the movie that were only slightly alarming.  The scene when he bums cigarettes from some kids riding the streetcar was humorous as well.  You find out early on why Eddie doesn’t like Toons, one killed his brother.

We also meet Judge Doom early on who is pretty creepy, even as an adult.  He unveils some ‘dip’ that he invented which has the ability to kill Toons.  Why the Judge wants to kill Toons is explained at the end of the movie, he wants to build a highway through Toon Town.  Now, if the Judge were a human being, that might make some sense, but he’s a Toon.  What the hell does a cartoon character need with cash?  Careful, WFRR, you’re inching towards earning my 3rd straight Not Rad award (I’ll DO IT!!).  One thing that really started to become apparent throughout the movie was how fruity Roger is.  He’s kissing Eddie, has some semblance of an effeminate voice (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and loves to sing show-tunes.  Once I notice this, I can’t stop thinking about how he ever scored Jessica Rabbit.

(Final side note: Going into watching this again I remembered Jessica, as noted above, but I didn’t remember if she was an actual rabbit or not.  And if she wasn’t a rabbit, why was she called, “Jessica Rabbit”?  While watching this again (ugh this is embarrassing), I clearly saw she wasn’t a rabbit.  Here comes the embarrassing part, I still couldn’t figure out why she was called, “Jessica Rabbit.”  About two-thirds of the way through the movie, I realized she was married to Roger Rabbit and therefore her last name was Jessica Rabbit.  What the hell is wrong with me?!)

When Eddie and Jessica follow Roger into Toon Town you start to see more Disney characters intermingled with the WB characters.  As a child I probably had no idea what the deal was because everything I saw on TV was a WB or Disney character.  As an adult, my mind immediately thought of copyright infringement and I started to Google “Roger Rabbit Disney lawsuits” until I realized I didn’t give a shit if WB stole some Disney characters or vice versa.  What is interesting is the idea of these very separate Toons living harmoniously in Toon Town.  They come from very different worlds as evidenced by Jessica showing her naughty bits at one point during the movie.  See how I slipped that little nugget in there?  Steve gave me a tip to look at Snopes.com to verify and apparently when Jessica and Eddie crash the car they’re in, her dress flies up and Jessica goes commando.  Maybe Disney and WB cartoonists weren’t that different all (as we all know those perverts slipped nudity things into many Disney movies, wait, everyone doesn’t know that?!).  This new information led me to start thinking that my child eyes were faster than they are now and maybe I subconsciously saw Jessica naked setting off my remembering only her and a couple of other things from the film?

Finally, my review would not be complete without discussing in her own paragraph Jessica.  She is still pretty damn hot for a cartoon.  Her breasts are alarmingly gigantic, her waist hilariously skinny, and she had an ass big enough to scare rapper Juvenile out of his grill (editors update: timely reference).  Like a cartoon version of Mad Men's Christina Hendricks, the laws of physics simply do not apply to Jessica Rabbit.  In addition, Jessica’s assets tend to jiggle and bounce quite frequently; like whenever she is on the screen.  I only noticed it the FIRST SECOND it happened, no big deal.

Overall, I had a couple of genuine belly laughs during the movie, I’m not lying just for Jessica’s sake.  There was some nostalgia sprinkled in from other movies and cartoons, cameos from Warner Bros. and Disney characters that helped peak my interest.  When Eddie uses Yosemite Sam’s gun and bullets (which all had their own personalities) I got legitimately excited.  Also, at the end of the movie Eddie performs a little song and dance to kill the weasels who actually die laughing.  It sounds really dumb, and maybe it was, but I enjoyed this part as well.

The ending still freaked me out a little, but rewinding to some of Jessica's best parts scenes, made it all better.

Don't judge me.


HOW RAD WAS IT?! Pretty RAD!

Adventures of the Gummi Bears (1985)

Overview (via IMDB.com):

Long ago, there was a thriving civilization of small humanoid bears called Gummi Bears. Possessing powerful magic and advanced technology, this race coexisted with humans until the growing rivalry forced the Gummis to flee across the sea, leaving only a small caretaker colony to prepare for a possible return. However, generations passed and the colony forgot their purpose even as human knowledge of the race faded into mere legend. All that changes when the colony meets a boy with a Gummi Bear medallion which unlocks the Great Book of Gummi which reveals lost knowledge of their past. Now the colony has dedicated themselves to the new goal to rediscover their heritage with the help of a few trusted humans while preventing new enemies like Duke Igthorn from exploiting that heritage to their own ends.

Then:
Adventures of the Gummi Bears is one of my earliest television memories. From what I can recall, they had a magic potion that gave them special powers that allowed the to bounce around on their bottoms.

The Gummi’s had secret passageways underneath the forest that they could jump in and out of if the bad guys were around. Within the passageways were bobsled looking tracks and the sleds the Bears rode in had bird faces on them.

I remember the bad guys looking like rhinos though I’m basically certain that’s not right. There was one little bad guy who was the smartest but always got blamed for everything; he looked just like the other bad dudes but was just smaller (I’m very descriptive, get used to it!).

Ok, Gummi Bears was on regular cable at one point, this is when I watched it. Saturday mornings, my little white butt (two for two in mentioning that in posts, success!) was on our blue couch in the family room watching all things Gummi. All of a sudden, they were gone like Keyser Söze; vanished. Think of how tragic that was in the eyes of a little kid.

You’re tearing up aren’t you? I knew it.


Now (Vol. 1: Seasons 1-3: Disc 2):

First off, what kind of potion makes them bounce on their butts instead of their feet? Gummi Berry Juice is bar-none the worst potion ever. What writer said, “I’ve got it! They won’t use their feet with the potion, they’ll bounce around on their rear ends!” Better yet, whose boss agreed with the idea?!  They writers of this show could've used some tutelage from Stan Lee strictly to improve the powers of the bears.  Bouncing on your ass is stupid in my opinion.  If anyone wants to try convince me otherwise go ahead, I'm all ears.

I forgot about the chubby bear, Tummy. He was a typical fat character: lovable, a little dense, constantly hungry, etc. I started to think that cartoons might have molded how the kids view heavy folks. If we always watched cartoons/movies where the fat guy was mistreated and incompetent, that had to rub off on young impressionable minds, at least a little, no?  Just think of all the times the fat person is the 'slow' one: Goonies, Tommy Boy, etc. (that's only two examples but screw off, they're legit).  Little did we know that Hollywood was teaching us to hate fat people...and succeeded!

Just walk away Tummy.

The bad guys were ogres, not rhinos and the leader of the bad guys was none other than Duke Igthorn himself!  They were stupid, never even coming close to capturing a Gummi, there was no mystery, you knew that they'd never actually capture them, they just couldn’t keep up with that freakin’ GBJ.

Morons.

The structure of the episodes involves two short stories that aren’t connected in any way where the Gummi’s try to live their lives while Igthorn and company try to capture them to steal the Gummi Berry Juice recipe.

It really gets old watching Igthorn obsessing over that damn juice. Every 15 minute episode has some other attempt to capture a bear, and get the juice.  They were completely disjointed episodes having nothing to do with one another. My eyes were bleeding after watching 6 attempts at the juice. Little kids are stupid, there I said it.

Ok, Adventures of the Gummi Bears sucked. I know, I know.  My last post got a poor rating and I really really wanted to have this one come out on top but the show was so horrible to watch. I've decided stupid little kids will watch, and enjoy, anything with cartoons.



HOW RAD WAS IT?!  Not rad.

"The Ren & Stimpy Show" (1991)

Overview (via IMDB.com):

An intense, hyperactive chihuahua (Is there any other kind?) and a happy-go-lucky, empty-brained cat share bizarre and often repulsive adventures. Their experiences usually involve hairballs, filthy litterboxes, "magic nose goblins", sentient farts, jars of spit, outhouses, eating dirt, monkey vermin and any other imaginable disgusting substance.

For those of you who don't know, Ren & Stimpy was the creation of animator John Kricfalusi (John K) who had previously made a name for himself in the late '80s rebooting the Mighty Mouse franchise with the aid of '70s "adult animation" (link LSFW) pioneer Ralph Bakshi (Fritz the Cat, Cool World). The show was a hit but controversial from the start with its subversive, cracked out storylines. Among other somewhat questionable decisions, Bakshi and Kricfalusi (can we get a "Smith" in here?) thought it would be funny if their superhero rodent snorted a white, powdery substance to make himself feel better. Parents did not take kindly to this display, which they believed to be Mighty Mouse using cocaine and CBS soon buckled to pressure and cancelled the series due to protests.

Nickelodeon, apparently wielding a pair of giant brass balls, signed John K to create a series for their new "Nicktoons" Sunday morning lineup (alone with Doug and Rugrats). The idea behind Nicktoons was to give animators complete creative control, a throwback to the the olden days when animators like Tex Avery and Chuck Jones were responsible not just for the animation, but the storylines and scripts as well. John K whipped up The Ren & Stimpy Show, a series that turned out to be ten times more subversive, sick, and just plain creepy than his work on Mighty Mouse.

John K (who also voiced Ren) and his company, Spümcø, ran into creative differences with Nickelodeon and left the show in 1993, the remaining three seasons were headed by Games Animation.

In 2003, the show returned in a different form on the Spike network as Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon"--a decidedly more adult effort (though not by much) that featured new, uncensored episodes written and directed by John K, alongside episodes that had been "banned" by Nickelodeon. The new show, which portrayed the duo as homosexuals, had trouble retaining sponsors and was pulled after a month on the air.

Then:

What a show! Ren & Stimpy made a huge impact on my snot-nosed, Ninja Turtle obsessed, 60 lb. self back in 1991. It was weird, gross, pissed off my mom and dad, and best of all, was featured on Nickelodeon, the channel that managed to brainwash me into watching every minute of programming they aired, regardless of quality.

Who was that kid who actually watched Fifteen (Nick's continuing high school drama)? Me. Which kid watched those weird Japanimation versions of fairy tales they aired on Special Delivery? Yours truly. What kid actually could sit through Littl' Bits and Noozles without falling asleep? Guilty as charged, sir.

But Ren & Stimpy was different from those shows. It was like the Beavis & Butthead for little kids, as far as I could tell. MTV showed it at night, which at the time, confused me, but now makes perfect sense (more on that in "Now"). Ren & Stimpy didn't talk down to kids, instead giving kids exactly what they wanted--disgusting displays of bodily functions.

I had all kinds of Ren & Stimpy memorabilia, from t-shirts to dolls, including "Rude Toot Ren," a Ren doll that farted when you squeezed his tummy. Dear reader, when I tell you it was epic, know that I am not exaggerating in the slightest.

Ten things I remember off-hand:

1. Powdered Toast Man (flying backwards with prominent buttocks)
2. "Don't Whiz On The Electric Fence" board game
3. "Happy Happy Joy Joy" by Stinky Wizzleteats (seriously, Nickelodeon?!)
4. That horse who always said "No, sir, I don't like it."
5. Ren's fat German cousin "Sven"
6. The episode where Stimpy made his own cartoon
7. The space episode
8. Lots of references to someone who I now recognize as Kirk Douglas (this was supposed to be a kid's show, why not put in an actor who hasn't starred in a movie in 40 years?)
9. The episode when Ren and Stimpy get sick (I recall this being sickeningly gross with lots of detailed painted animation cels of Ren's snot-covered visage)
10. The Muddy Mud Skipper Show!

Now:

Now class, pay attention. This show is what we call subversive.

Like Pee Wee's Playhouse before it, the show seems to play as much to a college-aged crowd (read: stoners) as it does to kids. It's essentially a parody of old cartoons, everything from Looney Tunes to Disney to Superman to Rocky and Bullwinkle is referenced. John K was clearly a fan of the old Warner Bros. cartoons, and wheels out many of the old cartoon and TV tropes in which to place his whacked out vision of a cartoon.

As an adult, it's amazing to realize how well-made this show was. It's the juxtaposition of artful animation and gross-out content that makes the show so memorable. Unlike South Park, where the animation is at most an afterthought, or even The Simpsons, where the animation is deliberately simple, Ren and Stimpy is one of the most skillfully animated TV shows I've ever seen. Yes, it uses that artfulness to be irreverent, bizarre and completely disgusting (one of the most beautifully done paintings is that of Ren's with snot coming out of his nose) but it's a joy to see an animator who truly cares about such things, even if it's used to show a freakish cat eating his own cat litter.

After watching the first two episodes of the series, it's clear John K and co. were intent on making a sort of stoner parody of '60s TV, both animated and live-action. Following the opening credits--which should give viewers a good idea of what they're in for (among other things, Ren is shown sticking his head in a toilet and Stimpy throwing up hairballs on Ren)-- each show begins with a commercial parody such as the infamous Slinky send-up "Log!"--a log of wood made to look like a fun toy for kids--and of course, Powdered Toast Man, the superhero who flies backwards while very much resembling Kirk Douglas and magically brings kids "powered toast"--literally a powder that magically becomes toast when you shake it onto your plate.

Each episode includes two different stories, each about ten minutes long with a short segment in between (usually another commercial or, in the case of Episode 2, a short initiation into the duo's fan club--another '60s referencing trope). The stories usually follow some sort of normal cartoon template--the sort of plot lines that, ostensibly, should appeal to kids--Stimpy wins a contest and Ren is jealous, Stimpy reads a bedtime story that Ren imagines himself in, Ren gets sick and Stimpy nurses him back to health. All of these things sound normal enough, but John K takes the general concepts and turns them on their ear.

Did I mention this show is gross? I'm not sure "bathroom humor" covers it.

During the course of these episodes, Ren and Stimpy eat cat litter, give each other sponge baths, climb up a nose hair (a la Rapunzel), get sucked up into nostrils, talk with an almost sexual perversity about lederhosen and making underleg noises, and are chased by disembodied heads. At various times, Ren's eyeballs talk to each other, Stimpy takes a medical kid out of his nose, and Ren unzips his fur in front of Stimpy (while crying). To call some of the references to bodily functions "thinly veiled" would presume that they're veiled at all.

And it goes without saying that just generally, these characters look gross about 95% of the time. Ren, a chiuahaha, is all haggard, bony, and rat-like, with red, bloodshot bug eyes and strange spots that grow hair, and Stimpy, while markedly less offensive to the eye than his friend, is a fat "cat" (not resembling any feline found in nature) with a giant blue nose and an anatomically correct butt.

Oh, and if we had more time I'd go in depth about Stimpy's "Magic Nose Goblins" (a collection of artfully sculptured boogers wiped under a stool).

Characters act mean and cruel to one another. Ren is hateful, spiteful and jealous of Stimpy, himself a borderline retarded simpleton with a good heart who often received the brunt of Ren's unchecked rage. The episodes almost never have any sort of moral, or if there is a moral, it's almost always immediately forgotten in favor of a gross-out joke.

This is not a normal cartoon.

And the sound effects. Almost every movement has some sort of over-the-top, disgusting sound effect. Farts, belches, knuckle cracks, and various sucking sounds are applied liberally to almost any movement.

The fact that this show stayed on the air as long as it did, without popping up on the radar of every religious family group in the nation is amazing. I have no idea what to attribute it to, except maybe that parents simply never watched it.

There is absolutely no way any child under 12 should have been allowed to watch this show. It's simply depraved.

But, then again, aren't those the best kind of shows?

HOW RAD WAS IT?! SUPER RAD

Pete's Dragon (1977)

Overview via IMDB.com

An orphan boy and his magical dragon come to town with his abusive adoptive parents in pursuit.

Brazzle Dazzle Brilliance!

His name is Elliott. He's 20 feet high, 40 feet long. He can become invisible at the drop of a hat, or spew red hot flames. In fact, there's only one way to bring this awesome beast under control... rub his tummy.

(should’ve just used the last writeup, who can outdo a line like “brazzle dazzle brilliance!”?)

Then:
I recall thinking of Pete’s Dragon as a cool movie due to its incorporation of both live action and animated characters. Growing up in the 80's all movies that I remember were either live action, or cartoons. This live action kid had a freaking dragon freaking cartoon dragon.

In the mind of a child, worlds were colliding! The fact that the dragon was a cartoon versus being a live action dragon (I know dragons are probably not real) softened him and made him seem almost attainable for a little kid. In addition, Pete seemed to be around my age when I first saw the movie, and while he sported some rad freckles as I did/do, Pete, unlike me, was a little fucking ragamuffin—dirty from running amok outside in his suspenders, which I dug. Elliot (aka the dragon) was cool because, well, he was a goddamn dragon. He flew around on preposterously small wings, chowed down on apples instead of children, breathed fire, etc., etc. He was a dragon, people. A nice, friendly dragon. I don’t need to go into why I thought that was cool, you did too, admit it. Hell, I would still watch a movie about a kid and his dragon (frantically adding How to Train Your Dragon to my Netflix account….)

Now, I can’t move on without mentioning the Gogans.

WELCOME TO MY EFFING NIGHTMARE

Let me be honest with you, reader. The Gogans scared the poo right out of my little white ass when I first saw this movie. They had more dirt on their faces than anyone I had ever seen, they were missing teeth, and they just kept trying to steal Pete. Fuck the Gogans.

Undoubtedly, these were all key ingredients that worked to attract my little kid brain. It incorporated animation, a young kid, and allowed my imagination to run a bit wild.

Those damn Gogans really almost ruined it for me though.


Now:
The movie opens with Pete running from the Gogans!

Already this is losing rad points because I’m a little irked by them still. They’re as dirty as ever and Pete hides while Elliot takes care of them, throwing them in mud and making them even dirtier.

Moving on.

Wait a freaking minute, this is a musical? I honestly completely forgot that Pete’s Dragon was a musical. Hmph, ok, well I guess it is.

There are a few songs throughout, none very memorable but the actors have some chops, the sets are legit and so are the costumes; kudos, PD.

Throughout the movie there’s a fair amount of drinking, mostly it’s Lampie (Mickey Rooney) getting obliterated and blowing the cover on the kid that has a dragon to anyone who will listen.

I forgot about Dr. Terminus trying to KILL Elliot and chop him up for parts. This movie was way more adult than I recall with the drinking, kidnapping, and attempted murder of the coolest character, Elliot (or maybe Lampie now that I’m older, but that’s for another day).

Finally, Elliot has to leave once Nora (Lampie’s daughter, she lives in the lighthouse with Lampie), Paul (Nora’s husband), and Lampie take him in because Elliot says that other kids need his help. That’s nice, right? A happy ending. Screw that, I’d want to keep my dragon, I don’t need a home! I “get” the ending but I don’t like it thus my judgement below.

HOW RAD WAS IT?! Not Rad.

*I hate to have to put an asterisk next to the first posting but Pete’s Dragon was nominated for 2 (yes 2!) Oscars. They were for the songs, which I directly said were not memorable in the post (get used to mistakes here, we’re not Wikipedia or something!).


eds. note: Stephen B. posted this because, well, Ryan is dumb and didn't know how. Ryan actually wrote this fine piece of American Literature. Keep an eye out for Stephen's upcoming addition.